Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
