I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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