I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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