Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
vagina is talking i cant
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
