we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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