I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
