I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
