it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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