Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
