24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
