I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
