the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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