After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
