she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
