I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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