The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
