Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
