Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
