her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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