oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
