he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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