I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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