and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
