His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
