At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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