i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
