shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
