Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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