i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
