so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
