Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
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I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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