i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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