Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
