So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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