ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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