Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
