u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
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