Screwed.edu
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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