If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
