when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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