I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
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I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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