You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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