We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
