Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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