Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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