this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
