Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
