so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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