**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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