I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
