in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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