Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
