in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize