Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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