i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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