who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
