i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
