i may or may not be watching the land before time
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
