well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
my liver is dry heaving
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
