Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
