Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
