Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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