This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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