Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she told me i tasted like america
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
