The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
