who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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