you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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