I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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