Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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