I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
