Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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