just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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