I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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