I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
