I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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