I'll bet she douches with gravy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
