Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
