Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
