farters have to be the big spoon...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
