When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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