this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
