That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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