even my farts smell like vagina
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
