dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
