the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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