Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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