Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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