i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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