Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
